I accidentally had phone sex last night
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
