Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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