got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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