Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
