No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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