I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
