K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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