I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
