how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
