it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
