Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
