apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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