you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
