Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
