mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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