We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
