Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
