yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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