i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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