I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Semen is not good for contacts.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
