Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
