so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Randomize
