Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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