How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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