The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
