i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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