my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
