i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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