Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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