forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
