I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
