Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
