My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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