It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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