It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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