I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
