I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
