Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
