I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
