i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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