Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
