Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
