I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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