Got a toothbrush?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
