I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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