Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
