I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
