i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
