I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
