This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
