So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
