Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
