i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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